Here’s a beautiful example of using story-telling as an effective appeal:
Ngan’s parents were poor rice farmers, struggling to survive. When they saw her cleft lip and cleft palate for the first time, they thought she’d been cursed. Neighbors pitied her. Other children were afraid to look at her.
Four short sentences, at the beginning, compelling content, emotional, visual.
Generous friends like you enabled us to give Ngan the surgery she needed–and save her from shame and rejection. She now has a terrific smile and a bright future ahead. Such a transformation seems miraculous! But we cannot rest.
“You” (donor) focus, complimentary, resolution of problem stated in first paragraph, hopeful, visual. Switches to “we” (moves donor to his part in all of this).
We want to go to more places and help more children. We want to continue to train local doctors and nurses to carry on the work, and establish more care centers in our partner countries, so surgeries can continue year-round.
States the goal in human terms, mostly visual.
We have medical teams who volunteer their time standing by. Now we need your help. Any gift amount will help give a little one like Ngan a new smile and a new life.
How you can join other volunteers to make a difference, visual.
And for as little as $240, you can help pay for a surgery for a child who’s waiting now. That’s one life changed, entirely because of you.
The difference the donor can make, visual.
Thank you in advance for helping us work toward changing the lives of children one smile at a time.
Appreciation and reinforcement of the difference donor can make.
There’s not a lot more for me to say. All this in 197 words. Imagine a photo or two, the logo identifying the sponsoring organization, and an action-oriented response device. Do you think this is more effective than the ponderous two-pager? Can you top this?